I made a decision to do the program properly. This was not an easy task, being honest with yourself after a lifetime of self deception is no easy feat. I believe the biggest gift i received from the 12 steps was the gift of honesty, with myself and with others. This was one of the most liberating philosophies i had ever experienced. No more lies, no more deceit, no more bullshit. You cannot imagine how much easier life becomes even if it is a little uncomfortable at times.
When i began to feel overwhelmed by my life circumstances i got up and got busy trying to help somebody else. It is imperative to try and get out of your diseased mind. As my sponsor put it, "The monkey on your back may be gone but the circus is still in town." Another important lesson i had to learn was that to have any sort of spiritual awakening it is usually preceded by a rude awakening.. how true that turned out to be.

Part of the rehab process is for you to tell your peers your life story. From your upbringing, your schooling, the first time you used any sort of mind altering chemical up until your arrival in rehab. I told the group my past and they proceeded to tell me what a failure i was. This did not go down well at all. I was fukin furious.
This anger, more than anything else, forced me to have a long look at my past actions and face my reality  No more sugar coated crap. I had to suck it up and leave all my yesterdays in the past were they belong.

Recovery involves a lot of repetition, the average addict is outright faulty in his mental modus opperandi.
Our very best thinking had resulted in our being in a rehabilitation center. That's not normal.. I was beginning to understand that every choice i had been making was for my own instantaneous gratification
.I had nothing to show for my 44 year visit to this planet..zero. I was deep in debt, no house, my car looked like it had been through an unforgiving hedge.. nothing. All i had left was a wife and children who loved me. I had no more love for myself. I had been brought to my knees. I was a failure in every sense of the word. This is how i felt when i handed my will over to the care of a higher power.. I fell to my knees at last and asked for help.. God help me.